Twilight on My Own Terms, pt 5: Alice is Somehow Important.

So, it’s been a while, dear readers. Since we last met, I drove 120 miles through fourteen inches of falling snow. It took five hours. I also graduated college! It took 130 hours. I finished my album (absurd amount of hours) and my novel (really not that many hours at all, comparatively). Now I’m back to reading, commenting, and being snarky about Twilight.

I must say from the onset of this essay that I really enjoyed the last five chapters. And why not? There are chase scenes, escapes, fight scenes, things blowing up, people dying, hospital visits, deception, treachery, some random twists I don’t understand, and did I mention stuff got blown up?!. In short, the back half of Twilight part two is an action movie, and there’s no reason I can’t enjoy that.

Also, Edward is pretty much not even in these chapters. That’s a bonus. Furthermore, Bella spends most of her time flipping out about her mom and not about Edward. Double bonus.

People have brought up previously that they could have accomplished killing James in the field during the baseball game instead of later in the book. Au contraire! They would not have been able to blow stuff up in the baseball field. Also, baseball it’s a gentleman’s sport. Now if they were playing basketball, then Edward and James could have pulled guns on each other. No, wait. Those were wizards.

Also, there was some sort of subplot thing going on with Alice that mostly served to confuse me. I usually backtrack and re-read relevant subplot things when the subplot becomes important later in the book, but seeing as the subplot was resolved in a couple lines of dialogue, I never went back to investigate the depthiness of the plot. I’m pretty sure it was your standard “the one who got away” thing. Only Bella isn’t Meryl Streep, and he doesn’t want to re-unite with her years later and make a romantic comedy about it.

But lets all remember this: they burned that dance studio to the ground, suckaaaaa. That’s pretty much the best thing that happened in these chapters. They wrecked the place, then torched it. Pretty much like a criminally minded rock band. Of Vampires. Bet you ten bucks Edward’s the lead singer and Emmett plays bass. I’ll have you notice I avoided making another Vampire Weekend joke.

So yes, mad props to the end of Twilight pt. 2. I enjoyed it immensely, and was even satisfied by the epilogue, which was a fitting end to the novel as a whole.

Next Tuesday I will give my assessment of the entire book as a whole. Then I will move on to New Moon, by popular demand. Huzzah. Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa!