I aim to fix this. I read the first Twilight book, and I just finished reading The Magician’s Nephew, which is the first book in the Chronicles of Narnia. I have the first Harry Potter book over there on the pile. I am sure I will borrow the Lord of the Rings books as needed.

But as I finish reading all these books (or, as I feel led, individual chunks or chapters), I will post my thoughts on them. I fully acknowledge that I am far behind in my media intake; my roommate, his girlfriend and I are about to set on a quest to watch all of Lost, now that it’s over. I am really far behind. But I aim to catch up, and to keep you all amused along the way.

I read the Chronicles of Narnia when I was very little; early enough in my life that I remember nothing except The Last Battle. I did not know that The Magician’s Nephew was intended to be the first in the series. It makes sense that it is, as it is the creation of Narnia.

I marvel at C.S. Lewis’ straightforward prose.  He writes in a truly conversational style; I feel like Jack is telling me a story while we sit around a crackling fire and smoke pipes. His delightful asides and refusal to draw out scenes (which is, conversely, one of the things I love about Brandon Sanderson, whose Warbreaker I am enjoying right now) endear me to his writing style and his stories. The Magician’s Nephew is not a stressful story, even though bad things happen in it. It a marvelous wonder of a thing; a set of events portrayed with little cooked-up drama in language that lifts my soul.

I got shivers when I read the lines where Aslan yells to Fledge “Be the father of all winged horses!” Out of context, it makes little sense and does not induce goosebumps. But in context, it is a wondrous moment; it inspires the imagination to hope on our own God saying such mighty and glorious things to us. We all long for a great purpose, and to see a simple carriage horse redeemed into the father of all winged horses strikes a chord in my soul.

That is the power of The Magician’s Nephew; it takes simple words and crafts them into a simple story that simply moves me. The only argument I have with the piece is something that I praised earlier; several scenes felt like they could have been longer without detracting from the flow of the novel; I would have liked to see the journey to the tree in the far-off lands take longer and have more difficulty. But the moment of truth when Digory decides against eating the apple still has sufficient tension to make me read faster. So even in that argument, there is a counter-argument that C.S. Lewis knew what he was doing in what he chose to do.

In short, I was awed by the concise and distinct power that The Magician’s Nephew possesses. I sighed every time I had to put it down until I finished it. It is easy to see that this book was a product of his later prose of this series rather than his early prose, which is displayed thoroughly in The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe, which is the next book I’m going to read for “Uh, I read that already.”

The Magician’s Nephew: Read it right stinkin’ now. It will stoke the embers in your soul, no matter how near-death or raging those embers might be at the moment.

As I said, Twilight the movie is awesome. It’s as if they traveled to the future, read my posts, and then went back to create the movie. All along, I’ve been saying that the plotting in Twilight is incredible; it keeps me reading, even though I occasionally couldn’t figure out why I was reading (it’s kinda like being a Mets fan).  It was the writing, and particularly the female voice, that drove me insane. The fact that Twilight is in first person is what makes me want to occasionally destroy it.

Twilight the movie is in third person. In essence, all of the terrible things I hated about the book have been removed.  All of the things I liked about the book have been amped up. I actually feel jealous that I didn’t write the movie, because it’s so entertaining. Anyone who says otherwise is jaded by feelings that were brought in from the book (or their perceptions of the book, if they haven’t read it).

Girls who say that the movie ruins Edward are correct. The book portrays a perfectly chivalrous, self-sacrificing, confident, gallant man who is her savior from the boring, terrible life she leads. The movie portrays a boy who is madly in love with a girl who he’s permanently in danger of killing violently. You can’t make a story with more tension than that. “I love you, but I also want to kill you and I don’t know if I can stop that from happening” is the real drama of Twilight, and the movie portrays it excellently.

Edward of the book is never awkward. He is angry, aloof, dangerous and mysterious, but never uncomfortable or at a loss for words. When she is introduced to his family and Rosalie flies off the hook, Edward is totally speechless. He looks painfully uncomfortable. Anyone in their right mind would be. The whole “I’m flying around in the woods showing you how powerful I am” thing looked a bit campy, but explained a point that the book failed at doing effectively: Edward could snap her in half.

Ms. Meyer tried to convey that point in the book, but since Bella was so enamored with him, she never really is afraid of Edward. And since we’re only privy to her perspective, it seems like Ms. Meyer is taking the fact that Edward is a vampire killing machine glibly. But when the movie is put in the third person, the whole thing makes so much more sense. Edward throws himself across the room when he starts making out with Bella; he was getting too involved. He was losing it. The Edward of Bella’s perception (and thus, the Edward of the book) doesn’t lose it, ever.  And it doesn’t make any sense to readers who see the situation from the outside. But anyone who’s ever been in a remotely physical relationship understands the thin line that you walk tenuously when you start making out. The fact that the results of Edward losing control would result in Bella’s death instead of a baby is an incredibly heavy problem. One, I daresay, that is worth writing a novel about.

In addition to providing a perspective that makes the book make sense, the book knows where to cut and compress scenes. The story makes perfect sense, even if I hadn’t read the book (this is more than can be said for half the Harry Potter movies, so say the critics). They bridged unnecessary parts swiftly and smoothly, and make the movie move fast. I was kind of upset that this relegated the Cullens to non-entities in Twilight pt 2, but it had to happen.

The boys who say that the movie is wussy and brooding have obviously never seen a really wussy movie or a seriously brooding one. I would submit The Science of Sleep and Garden State for consideration in those respective categories. For the record, the former makes me want those two hours of my life back, which I would immediately deposit in another watching of the latter. I like brooding. And in fact, there’s probably not enough brooding in the movie. The movie moves fast.

In addition to rendering the book well, it adds in subplots and foreshadowing (see, Stephenie? Was that so hard?), fleshes out Charlie and Bella’s mom,  and makes Mike a lot less of a whiny pushover.

But it does suck in this regard: the cinematography made me want to punch someone. Stop circling. Just stop. Also, the slow-mo pensive moments were weak, as a result of occasional poor music choices and lack of skill at directing the brooding (they should have had Zach Braff sit in and advise on those parts).

But on the whole, I give the Twilight movie an A-. If I hadn’t felt dizzy half the time from the circling cinematography (okay, seriously, this isn’t Wild America), it would have bumped up to the A. In short, I’d watch that film again.

Tune in next week to see New Moon go down (literally? metaphorically? you’ll have to tune in to find out!). I even bought the New Moon candy bar to eat while reading, to help me get in the mindset.

Note that I said some. I’m not putting Ms. Meyer on the same level as the masters, current literary novelists, or even other current YA novelists. She uses the talent she has to the best of her ability, and produces a decent story (and several bazillion dollars).

I don’t want to go into “why girls like Twilight.” If you do, I would suggest (not recommend, but suggest) the Oatmeal’s take on it. He does a pretty decent job. He also says a lot of things that Laura would tell me are “inappropriate” and “demeaning to readers of Twilight,” mostly because they’re inappropriate and demeaning to readers of Twilight. But it’s funny. Read at your own risk?

Ms. Meyer succeeded by creating quite possibly the most accessible fantasy world of all time. The universe of Twilight is as far-fetched as the Star Wars universe, in that the things that happen in each would never, ever happen in the real world. Even with the vampirism removed, the central romance of Twilight is about as realistic as a lightsaber. We wish it could happen, and we see things in this world that are really close to it, but there’s just no way we’d ever be able to have that happen.

Do I want to be a jedi? Oh heck yes. Do people want to have an Edward in their lives? Oh heck yes. Will either of these things happen? No, because I’m too old to join the Jedi Academy. And Edward’s taken.

But Ms. Meyer’s success is that it’s way easier to see Twilight happening than even Smallville, Alias, or Spider-man (other “normal person finds themselves wrapped up in enormous excitement” stories). And you say, “well duh, because Bella doesn’t really have powers, and so she’s normal, and people relate,” and so on and so on. I agree entirely, and would gently remind you that Ms. Meyer made a conscious decision to write it that way. She invented the story in a way people would relate to it. Is that not what all authors should want to do?

It’s not bad to enjoy these stories, as long as we remember that these stories are stories. They could never happen. When people start to blur the lines between fantasy and reality, even in subtle ways, that’s when fanboys and fangirls happen. That’s when things get weird. Do we dream of going to Hogwarts? Yes. Do we expect to go there? No. The danger of Twilight is those who would answer yes to both of those questions in relation to Forks. (sidenote: Alan Hussey can tell you how boring Forks actually is. You don’t want to go there)

So I’m forced to say that Twilight has excellent world-creating and plotting. Now, I am not forced to say anything good about the dialogue and prose of the piece, which are abysmal. The excellent world-creating compensates for the inability to actually have her characters talk like normal people. Also, I will never forgive her for describing Edward in obnoxiously repetitive detail. It made me want to punch his perfect, glittering face.

All things considered, I would give this book a C+. Seeing as I went in determined to give it an F–, this is a significant improvement on what I imagined.

Next week: I’m reviewing the Twilight movie. Oh snap.

I must say from the onset of this essay that I really enjoyed the last five chapters. And why not? There are chase scenes, escapes, fight scenes, things blowing up, people dying, hospital visits, deception, treachery, some random twists I don’t understand, and did I mention stuff got blown up?!. In short, the back half of Twilight part two is an action movie, and there’s no reason I can’t enjoy that.

Also, Edward is pretty much not even in these chapters. That’s a bonus. Furthermore, Bella spends most of her time flipping out about her mom and not about Edward. Double bonus.

People have brought up previously that they could have accomplished killing James in the field during the baseball game instead of later in the book. Au contraire! They would not have been able to blow stuff up in the baseball field. Also, baseball it’s a gentleman’s sport. Now if they were playing basketball, then Edward and James could have pulled guns on each other. No, wait. Those were wizards.

Also, there was some sort of subplot thing going on with Alice that mostly served to confuse me. I usually backtrack and re-read relevant subplot things when the subplot becomes important later in the book, but seeing as the subplot was resolved in a couple lines of dialogue, I never went back to investigate the depthiness of the plot. I’m pretty sure it was your standard “the one who got away” thing. Only Bella isn’t Meryl Streep, and he doesn’t want to re-unite with her years later and make a romantic comedy about it.

But lets all remember this: they burned that dance studio to the ground, suckaaaaa. That’s pretty much the best thing that happened in these chapters. They wrecked the place, then torched it. Pretty much like a criminally minded rock band. Of Vampires. Bet you ten bucks Edward’s the lead singer and Emmett plays bass. I’ll have you notice I avoided making another Vampire Weekend joke.

So yes, mad props to the end of Twilight pt. 2. I enjoyed it immensely, and was even satisfied by the epilogue, which was a fitting end to the novel as a whole.

Next Tuesday I will give my assessment of the entire book as a whole. Then I will move on to New Moon, by popular demand. Huzzah. Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa!

There are two major things I remember from chapters 16-20 that aren’t the usual fawning and creepiness: baseball and James. Vampire baseball was described in an incredibly intriguing manner. I think she left out the part where Vampire Weekend plays “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” as the seventh inning stretch, but that’s okay. The rest of the game entertained me, as well as the description of how and why they needed to hide their game. This did bring up some interesting questions, though: does the vampire venom count as a performance-enhancing drug? Should Edward Cullen be playing in the sunless Metrodome for the Minnesota Twins? Is Mark McGwire actually a vampire? How do vampires feel about a designated hitter?

These thoughts were immediately pushed aside as THE MOST EVIL CREATURE IN THE WORLD EMERGED FROM THE FOREST WITHOUT ANY PRIOR WARNING. I am not exaggerating the abrupt qualities of his entrance. In one page, he does not exist; two pages later, all the main characters are running for their lives (literally and metaphorically). Talk about making an entrance. Neither am I exaggerating the depravity of James’ character: we are supposed to believe that James is evil to the core. The only explanation for why he’s evil? “That’s how he is.” I’ll give you an extra line to let that sink in.

wow.

I would be okay with the most evil character in the world appearing if there had been some foreshadowing before. I do not agree that the first two pages are foreshadowing; they tell us the end of the story, not drop clues. They’re meant to hook, not enlighten. There are no clues dropped whatsoever about the lurking presence of the blackest of black souls. Alice’s continued weirdness does not count, because seriously, she could be freaking out over seeing World War III. Who knows what she’s freaking out about. Doesn’t count as foreshadowing.

After James lands in a meteoric crash, Twilight pt. 2 starts. Part One was all about romance or something. Part two is about a cross-country chase. The parts have the same characters, but almost nothing to do with each other, in that the things that Bella does in part two (self-sacrifice, most notably) have almost no correlation with her sensational self-absorption in pt 1. If this had happened gradually, it would be called character development. In the Meyer context, it’s a bit over-the-top (as Bella/Ms. Meyer tends to be). Regardless, the plot moves quickly, the action is interesting, and the dynamics of the characters are put in the forefront (stress tends to do that). As such, chapters 16-20 were the best chapters thus far, mostly because something happened. Even if it did happen illogically.

Conclusion: her editors told her she needed more fight scenes right about this point in the book.

1. The plotting in this book is really good. Despite all other faults, I am addicted to turning pages when I sit down to read. This is because I need to know what is going to happen. Her use of foreshadowing, tantalizing information, red herring, and more make her plot incredibly involving.

2. This is the section where the infamous “Oh, you watch me sleep? Cool.” exchange happens. I had heard about Bella’s flippancy with it before, but seriously, the creepiest plot device I’ve heard this side of a serial killer novel takes Bella less than a page to comprehend and normalize. Her only questions are “You spied on me?”, “How often?” and “Why?” I would have been significantly more freaked out. Even if it was a person I adored. There’s just something not natural about, you know, stalking a girl. But hey, he’s not natural in the first place, being a vampire and all. Free pass?

3. Ms. Meyer finally explains the backstory of her vampires; I find it to be the most engrossing part of this story so far. I wish, actually, that we had the story of the Cullens, pre-Forks. That sounds incredibly fascinating. Preying on murderers? Resisting humans? Tribes of vampires? Internal struggle? Creating Esme? This is incredibly interesting stuff. I wish there were more of it. I wouldn’t mind if that was the Twilight series.

4. Also in this section is the “Edward in the sunlight” section, which I had been looking forward to as well. Much more annoying than the actual fact that vampires became officially pansy-fied with that chapter (srsly, why? unnecessary.) was Bella’s reaction to the diamond-esque Edward. Seriously, how much fawning can a man stand? I think I would be concerned if I found a girl who fawned over me that much. “Do you have a personality, ma’am? No, I mean, your own personality. I know you think I’m great… No, you’re not understanding the question.”

5. Edward is incredibly punny. I enjoy few other aspects of his character, but the fact that he is flippant about his power is really funny to me. Also, the fact that he can play piano like a mad fool earned him some props in my book. Maybe even e-props. Xanga, anyone?

1. Stephanie Meyer decided that stuff was finally going to happen in her book. Whoa. Action sequences? Shut up. No, for real. Seriously? Wow. But… No. For real. Oh. Okay. His eyes were cold.

2. While she puts action in her book that makes me turn the pages, she manages to do it in incredibly uncomfortable ways. She also makes Bella look like an idiot and an uber-damsel in distress. They go to La Push, and Bella falls over, then tries awkwardly to flirt with Jacob. When they go to Port Angeles, she nearly gets raped because she gets lost by herself in a town so small I’ve never heard of it (and I used to read geography books for fun). I hope the town is fake so that I don’t feel like my intelligence as a reader has been violated.

3. Nobody told me werewolves played such a large part in Twilight. I absolutely love werewolves. When Jacob basically straight-up says, “I’m a werewolf, neener neener neener,” I got super-excited. And then they left La Push with no struggle and I was depressed. GO BACK THERE QUICKLY.

4. Characterization continues to be anemic. Mike inexplicably (truly, this time) switches his obsession from Bella to Jessica. What? Edward continues to have more mood swings than the world’s largest playground. Bella continues to be atrocious at life. But, Jacob is a fascinating character, because Stephanie Meyer introduces him, tantalizes us with limited information, then takes him away from us. Good move, Ms. Meyer. Good move.

5. The conversations between Bella and Edward are getting unbearably clunky. If she doesn’t stop describing his face every time he says anything, I’m going to scream. I don’t need to be told everything. I have a brain. I can read the dialogue (that is, if you wrote it well) and know what his face looks like. That being said, I was kind of impressed with the “Guess what? I’m a blood-sucking killing machine! Do you still like me?” conversation. It seemed realistic to what I would imagine would happen if my girlfriend turned out to be a vampire (note: I’m not sure if having a vampire for a significant other would actually be cool or not). So. Stop teleprompting everything and trust your reader, Ms. Meyer.

I’d say these chapters were an improvement over the first.

So, having procured a book from a friend’s personal collection (Lindsey Brewer, thanks!), I set myself to the task of reading it. I did not intend to structure the reading, but I have read it twice and finished approximately fifty pages each time (I am on page 110 as of this post). I have a few thoughts, as I have been wont to do.

1. Stephanie Meyer is not as terrible as an author as I have maligned her as. She uses real words and even sets scene. Hemingway she’s not, but it’s not drivel.

2. Stephanie Meyer has created characters that are almost impossibly bad. Bella is atrocious (reprehensible, even) at everything in life other than reading and thinking. This is absurd. Edward has double-digit mood swings in a single conversation. Mike has one facet: he’s obsessed with Bella. Her father doesn’t even really exist. The rest of the characters are space-fills. They bring nothing to the story.

3. Stephanie Meyer, I get it. Edward is the most attractive human-esque being to ever walk the face of the earth (why they cast Robert Pattinson in the role of “most beautiful person on Earth” is beyond me, but that’s a different post). In fact, he is abnormally, freakishly, unnecessarily, wonderfully, astonishingly, holy-crap-holy-crap-holy-crap beautiful. PLEASE STOP TELLING US THIS EVERY TIME HE APPEARS. Thank you.

4. Edward is the type of guy that I tell my female friends not to date. He’s creepy, possessive, lying, secretive, somewhat verbally abusive (!), doesn’t take into consideration anything Bella says before he does stuff with and to her (!!), and is taking her to Seattle whenever I read it again (!!!).  In fact, if I acted like this, I would get broken up with (and my best friend would probably punch me in the face for treating a beautiful woman so terribly). But, for some reason, this is attractive in Edward Cullen.

5. I will give her one credit; if I hadn’t known that the Cullens are vampires, I wouldn’t have been tipped off yet. I would have been weirded out by the van-destroying incident (and I’m still slightly angry, because I had one of those vans) and intrigued by the eye-color changing, but I would not have guessed it yet, I don’t think. So, props to good concealing.

I’ll keep you all posted as I continue.